Dialogue on Awakening

I haven't posted for awhile...to be honest, I've been distracted with all that distracts in the world. You know: work, finances, health, family...all those things.

I can't believe we're about to celebrate Thanksgiving again. It really is one of my favorite holidays...and it's always helpful to go in and remember what I'm thankful for. This year, among other things, I'm thankful for finding a book which has taken me off my quest to figure out "why" I am the way I am (for better or worse), and which has reminded me to look beyond my personality to the Christ in me...in order to see the Christ in everyone.

I have to confess: I'm not very good at it at all...yet. It might take me another million years to get there, but it's nice to know at least I'm on the path towards awakening. Actually, more acurately, I'm on the path to remembering (eventually) that I'm already awakened, which is the point of the book I've been reading.

That book is Dialogue on Awakening by Tom and Linda Carpenter (google them). It's a dialogue between "Brother" (the nickname Tom has given to Jesus, as they develop the kind of relationship that Jesus reminds him everyone is capable of having with him). The book isn't new...and it's message is similar to that found in A Course in Miracles. It's not as intellectual as Ken Wapnick's books, but it is satsifying on an emotional level.

"D on A", as I'll shorten it to, starts with Tom's rather irritating obsession with asking the same questions over and over of Jesus. I finally became endeared to the book when I realized I was doing the exact same thing in my life...just obsessing over why certain things had turned out the way they had...and what I should have done differently, and how I should be different.

When I realized that the book was talking to me, something literally snapped inside...it popped the illusion that there was anything that I could do to change my history, which really doesn't exist, anyway. The book is a great reminder that the important time is now...and the only important thing to remember is that we cannot be separate from who we really are...no matter how much we obsess.

It's a good book...if you're looking for one to add to your collection, this might be one you'd like too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Kellyn

PS--I reposted The Forgotten Song (the link had broken when I changed servers). You can find it in the menu bar at the left, or under its original post below. I hope you enjoy it. Leave a comment or send me an email and let me know what you think.

Fearless Love

I downloaded Gary Renard's new recording from Sounds True called "Fearless Love." I'm in the middle of listening to it as I commute on the light rail to and from work, but so far, so good. It's not really new material if you're at all familiar with his other works, but it's a great reminder of how to pray: not in petition to God, but in communion with God.

I'm looking forward to his new book, which is due out this year at some point (soon, I think), and "Fearless Love" is a good way to "prime the ACIM pump" in anticipation for it.

Let me know how you like "Fearless Love" if you've heard it. It's available at SoundsTrue.com .

The Tiny, Mad Idea and Other Quandaries...

I get email now and then from readers who don't understand some of the concepts of A Course in Miracles. I don't do a lot of posts on this blog where I directly teach about The Course. Rather I try to use it to show The Course in action in my own life...as well as process for myself the lessons I am learning. I thought I'd post this letter to me, however, along with my response, just in case it might help someone else get a little closer to understanding the main principles of The Course itself. I've edited the note slightly for brevity.

Hi, Kellyn. I'm a New Ager, trying to figure out the ACIM thing. I've only read some of the material on the site, some written by Ken Wapnick, though I've heard of it via Marianne Williamson's book, etc.

Anyway, while some of the stuff does jive with New Age, I cannot understand how god/God does not know about us and our world. Every second when someone dies and their soul goes to the other side (so John Edward can talk to them), doesn't God wonder where the heck they're coming from? I believe in reincarnation, which ACIM doesn't seem to address much. I don't wonder why.

Also, ACIM says we are to pray, and then only for forgivness--nothing else to Jesus or The Holy Spirit. So the Son of God, Jesus is what? keeping this big secret from dad called, "THE WORLD???" And Jupiter and Mars, too, I suppose. How come, in his communication with his father, this minor fact hasn't come up? So I'd go for ACIM if I could just get around this HUGE impasse. What do you think? Peace, CD

Hey, CD--
Thanks for your note...I can tell it is completely sincere, and yet you've written with gentle humor. Let's see if I can help...although even Jesus says in his Course that ACIM isn't the path for everyone, and we'll all eventually get home no matter what path we take. So, if this doesn't work for you, please don't hesitate to keep asking me or anyone else questions, but also know that it might not be your thing. It's not an easy path.

Firstly, good for you for reading different authors on the Course. Ken Wapnick has the purest interpretation in my own opinion, and is closest to what Jesus actually said in the Course. I try to stick with what the Course actually says in my writing also, and Ken is a role model for me.

Secondly, ACIM asks us to be willing to see things in an entirely new and different way than we've ever seen them. That's what the 365 day workbook is for...to retrain us to see the world differently than we've been trained by life to see it. It's worth doing, even if you don't believe in it. You'll begin to experience life differently. The text is highly recommended by me also, but not until you've read The Disappearance of the Universe, as I describe later in this email.

I think it will be easier to parse your note and respond to your points individually:

"I cannot understand how god/God does not know about us and our world. Every second when someone dies and their soul goes to the other side (so John Edward can talk to them), doesn't God wonder where the heck they're coming from? I believe in reincarnation, which ACIM doesn't seem to addres much. I don't wonder why."

This is the biggest challenge people have with the Course. It goes against everything we've ever learned about who God is. We've learned, as students of New Age Thought and traditional Jewish and Christian Thought, that God is watching over us every second of every day. And it's not that He's not watching over us...it's that there's nothing to watch over. If you can think of this world that seems to be real (which, since it's all we know, is VERY real to us) as just like a dream, then we can start to use that analogy to understand what the Course means.

Imagine a child in a bed sleeping. She's dreaming of something...we can't know what because she's asleep. She seems to be having a nightmare, and all we can do is know that the world in her dream isn't real...that she's safe and secure here with us in our world. If we choose to wake her out of her nightmare, there's a chance it will scare her more...it could be disorienting to be awakened so abruptly. So we let her sleep. And when she awakens, all she'll know is the reality of her safety here with us, as the bad dream fades out of her memory and she realizes it wasn't real and never happened.

This is the usual analogy I use to explain why God doesn't know of our world. He knows of us, but He experiences us as merely asleep in a bad dream. Of course, this anthropomorphizes God...He's not a person like we perceive ourselves to be, but it helps us understand better. God doesn't see us as separate from Himself.

In the Course, the explanation for why we're even having this "bad dream" is called "the tiny, mad idea." If we are just a thought within the Mind of God, the idea is that His thought had a thought...just for a brief blip of a second: that is, "what if I were separate from God?" Now this thought begat millions of other thoughts about what that would look like, but they all happened within the space of a millisecond before the Mind realized it couldn't possibly happen. How can something be separate from itself? How can the ocean not be the ocean in each of its drops?

Anyway, in that millisecond, this thought that we could be separate occurred, but not the actual separation from God. We are actually, in the Course's metaphysics, right now in the awareness of that thought of separation. It's like the big bang kind of...everything expanded, then contracted back into the knowing that it is One. The dream, which is what we see as our reality, happened in that millisecond-long thought of a separation that never happened. The real reality is that we're still snuggled up next to God, as part of God, just "asleep" in our awareness of that fact. So God doesn't know about what is going on inside the dream we're having.

Death is part of the dream...so the line between being "alive" and being "dead" doesn't exist because we don't really exist. Reincarnation falls in there also (which the Course does discuss in its Manual for Teachers). So do the earth and Jupiter and Mars, actually, also. Remember, we're just dreaming we're alive, so when we die, we just change a state of awareness. It's still within this closed system, so no one actually "goes" to God when they die...they've never left God. What John Edwards and other mediums see and speak to is the part of us that believed we were here, and hasn't yet awakened to the Truth that we weren't. Have you ever thought about the fact that YOU personally never die, only those around you? Think about that for a bit.

"Also, ACIM says we are to pray (and then only for forgivness - nothing else) to Jesus or The Holy Spirit. So the Son of God, Jesus, is what? keeping this big secret from dad called, "THE WORLD???" "

Forgiveness is a term used by the Course, but it's not forgiveness from God. It's forgiveness in a way that means: since this world isn't real, then I couldn't have done anything to be guilty about...it was only a bad dream. It is that realization that literally is forgiveness. God knows we haven't done anything...we haven't left his presence...therefore He doesn't need to forgive anything. The Course (in a later supplement) talks about how this is real forgiveness. What we traditionally think of as forgiveness, where we just righteously let someone off the hook, while "knowing" they're really "guilty as sin" is called in this supplement "forgiveness to destroy." It keeps us thinking we're separate from our brothers.

Do this little exercise to experience what I'm saying:

First think of a movie in which Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood played an outlaw and a lawman, respectively. In the movie, Costner is killed by Eastwood. In our "real" world (their "Perfect World"), they're both just actors in a drama. They finish the take, the director yells, "Cut," and Costner gets up and walks off the set with Eastwood to go have a beer. If Kevin held a grudge against Clint for shooting him, we'd think he was insane. He didn't really get shot! Nothing really happened to him. This realization on Kevin's part is akin to real forgiveness.

What the Course actually asks us to do is sit in gratitude to God. Our only purpose here in this "reality" is to forgive...to understand none of this ever happened. Each and every challenge that comes up in our life can be used to serve the ego and we can feel like a victim, or the same challenge can be looked at with the Holy Spirit and seen as a way to realize that nothing really happened in Truth. We're still whole in God. That wholeness is what the Course asks us to be aware of and grateful for, because it's the ticket out of this hell we have created here in our "reality."

Let's discuss Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Son of God. Jesus, which is just an anglicized version of a real man whose name was probably really "Jeshua," was a man within our dream who lived in the context of time and space about two thousand of our years ago. He caught on to the whole idea that he wasn't separate from God...and that none of us were. He admits in the Course in Miracles that the idea of the crucifixion was a failed attempt to show that there was no death. It "failed" because we, as unaware humans, latched onto the suffering and horrible death, and then the idea of sacrifice. He begs our forgiveness (meant in the same way as above) for having the whole affair so misinterpreted from what he was actually trying to demonstrate. He says early in the Course that he was trying to show he didn't suffer...that he had realized this is just a dream. He also states he is like an older, more experienced brother to all of us, worthy of our respect, but only God should be worshipped.

The Holy Spirit is like a bridge of communication from that part of ourselves that knows we are not separate from God. It is the antidote to the tiny, mad idea, and is like a lifeline back to the Truth. Jesus had access to the Holy Spirit as much as we do now. It sometimes helps to see them as the same...Jesus is the physical incarnation like we are, and the Holy Spirit is the idea that resides within each of us of our own holiness.

The Son of God isn't just Jesus, as he states in the Course. He hinted at that in the Bible also, when he said, "This too you can do, and so much more." He was acknowledging that he wasn't different from us, he just was more aware at the time, all within the context of the dream. The Course refers to the Son of God as the "Sonship," meaning all of us. He also teaches us that there is no separation between us and our brothers. Since we are all One in God, we are all One in each other. What one of us suffers, all of us suffer. There is nothing that we could do to another that we wouldn't also be doing to ourselves. Hence, the Golden Rule.

And based on the above analogy of the dream, etc., no--Jesus wasn't keeping a secret from "Dad." He enjoyed a more whole relationship with God than most of us, due to his unlocking the secret that the ego keeps from most of us.

I don't know if this has been helpful, but hopefully it has on some level. I had a hard time with it the first few times I tried to get The Course. I read The Disappearance of the Universe, and felt like a key had unlocked a door for me. Then I began to "get" it about the Course and what it really says. I recommend that book to you. Also check out my blog at www.seedeofawakening.com. The posts may illustrate the concepts for you, and there's a good resource section at the side for other Course sites and blogs. I hope you find something you relate to in there somewhere. It really is an amazing spiritual path...and a great work in psychology.

Feel free to write back for more clarification...or to tell me you think I'm full of it! lol. I'll forgive you!

A Ghost of Christmas Presence

Happy Holidays. I hope the Peace of God has found you in this season of Love.

I've been exploring some dark places in my own life this week, probably as a way of subconsciously being in tune with the darkest part of the year. There have been some things brought to my attention (because I asked the Holy Spirit to show them to me) that haven't been easy to look at...Ways that I've behaved towards others, that in looking back, I'm feeling shame about. In the moment of actually acting that way, I was coming from a different perspective, and didn't see the behavior as hurtful to others, and ultimately to myself.

Trouble is, now that I'm aware of it, I'm not sure how far back it goes...I could have been doing this for my entire adult life, and that's not a pretty feeling inside me! When I first felt my peace dissipating, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me see this in another way, meaning, "Please take my pain and absolve my guilt so I don't ever have to feel this way about myself. Please make it untrue that I've been such a raging bitch to all these people." Well, of course, that was my ego asking to be dignified and validated. The Holy Spirit did me a favor by not helping me in the way my ego was asking.

I actually felt a little like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. Here I was being visited first by the Ghost of Christmas Present in seeing the behavior in the moment, after a heated discussion with a colleague. Then, as I drove home from my meeting on roads slick from the blizzard that was raging all around, I fought tears as the Ghost of Christmas Past began to show me memories of how I've behaved this way before, and the results of the behavior. Those results probably didn't have that much impact on anyone but myself, merely adding to the guilt that I stored in my unconscious warehouse of unloving thoughts towards myself. The result was also a negative reputation I had built with others, here-to-fore which I thought was impeccable professionally, but which now I had to question as to its desirability in my life. I had thought my reputation was for representing my clients in the pursuit of a perfect project for them in the end. Now I was finding that, while that was partially the reputation I had, I also had a reputation for unreasonable standards of perfection and for always pointing the finger at the party I deemed responsible for the slightest imperfection.

I drove along in the blizzard, feeling the pain of my actions while I tried to blow my nose and wipe my tears and keep my car from spinning out on the ice. The metaphor and symbolism of Dickens' story was immediately apparent to me, and I wondered how Scrooge was able, really, to find the joy in the moment he realized he'd been so wrong after all those years. How did he go out on Christmas morning and face the humiliation of how he'd been all those years? My own inclination was to hide myself away in shame and self judgement. Then the Ghost of Christmas Future visited.

This ghost, which was really the Holy Spirit, delivered Absolute Grace from God to me. All I had to do was be willing to accept it. This is what true forgiveness is in A Course in Miracles...the realization that all of this nightmare of the ego's bad behavior is just that: a nightmare, a bad dream. It's not real. Only God's Love is real. Period. That large shed of evidence and judgment and condemnation that I stored was now exposed for what it was...just a lot of tools my ego could use to plant its garden of shame, to feed its addiction to guilt and keep me feeling separate from the rest of humanity. This is what Scrooge was blessed to understand much sooner than I have been able to get: None of the past matters! In fact, none of it really happened, so there are no victims, and no guilt to continue to drag into the present and future.

I thought about this behavior of perfectionism that I was "guilty" of. Perfectionism is a dangerous, double-edged sword that will injure and potentially kill those who try to use it. Those who are still naive enough to think it's a good thing, that it means one is "on top of" all the details and making sure everything goes right have no clue that perfectionism is the choice to demand an impossible standard. This world, which was created by a Mind whose thoughts imagined it could ever be separate from God, its Creator, cannot be perfect. Anything that has death and deterioration as a part of it, which this world has, can never attain perfection.

As I realized that my own perfectionism had left a wake of hurt feelings and resentment towards me for all these years, I started to realize it's also impossible for me, on the level of the ego, to ever be perfect either. It's a losing proposition. I can put in my best effort, but perfection cannot be possible. So, if I could begin to cut myself some slack, maybe I could begin to cut others some slack and trust that they had the integrity to do their very best also...that it wasn't always just me who cared. I did not have to carry the burden of total concern for my projects anymore...that's why there was a team around me.

Well, now I could start to feel some of the joy of a burden lifted that must have given old Scrooge the spring in his step on Christmas morn'. This was truly the Grace that would free my soul from the anchor created by my ego. The Ghost of Christmas Future began to show me that my life didn't have to be so much pain and effort from here on out.

This experience has chipped away a whole big chunk of that murky, tar-like, icky psychological matter better known as "guilt and shame." There's bound to be more to discover within my psyche, but this feels like a break through that will allow me to make choices in the future that are less self-punishing and less self-sabotaging. That is the best gift I can think of to both give and receive.

Merry Christmas to all of us!

The How's and Wise of Our World

Seasonally, this is the time when the light grows shorter each day and day dies into night for longer periods. Thankfully, the first day of winter is coming soon, and the light will begin to be stronger each day, at least until the cycle turns again.

Several of my dearest friends have lost a parent in the last few weeks. Maybe the decrease in daylight provides a more hallowed space to go within to process the sorrow and grief in a season that grows gradually more silent before the days get longer again. And maybe holiday social customs are more about being there for each other, to collectively knit a shawl of comfort for our collective, and ancient, mourning of autumn into winter, along with its metaphor of death.

As I sat at the funeral for my dear friend's father Al yesterday, the minister commended Al's soul to God. The minister wondered aloud for my friend's family, especially her mother, about what questions they would have for St. Peter when it was their time to meet up with their beloved Al again in Heaven. All the "why's" they would have...Why did Al have to go through such a devastating and dignity-taking illness as Alzheimer's? Why did it have to strip his brilliant mind and personality from him, leaving them with a mere shell of the great man that he was? Why did it have to drag on so long and inhumanely? I'm sure their list goes on and on.

As I listened, I reflected on the courage that it took for this family to be there for Al, through the emotionally devastating deterioration of his disease. There is that phrase, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." One thing I can say is that this experience, though wearying on every level for them, brought out the strength in my friend and her other family members that none of them really knew was in them. They will be changed forever by this experience, but so were they also changed by having known and loved Al, and for his eternal impact on their lives.

In times of emotional stress, strength shows up as a result of, not as a reward for, suffering. With grace, maybe some of that strength can be directed to see suffering as a part of the ego's world, and not a part of God's World. We can't always see that God isn't to blame for the things that go awry in our lives...in fact it's probably our deepest spiritual challenge to finally see that Truth. But the process of asking "why" with an open heart will hopefully lead us to see that no matter what challenges the ego creates to throw us off course, God is always patiently waiting for us to see that He's right there with us...and that we're actually right there with Him, wrapped in the sweetest of comforters there can be.

All the "why's" can lead us to a wise knowing of the ever presence of God. The Holy Spirit can certainly unlock the "how's" for us.

Another of my friends lost her mother just a week before Al passed over. In the announcement of her mother's death, she included this poem, which I think can bring comfort to all of us who have lost loved ones, either this year, or during the holiday season from past years, or anytime of any year.

You can shed tears that they are gone
Or you can smile because they have lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that they will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all they have left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see them
Or you can be full of the love that you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember them and only that they are gone
Or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what they would want:

Smile, open your eyes and love, and go on.

For Debbie, Elaine and Jill: who lost Al.
For Joan: who lost her dad John.
For my cousins, my mom and the rest of my own family: we lost my Uncle Rich.
For Pat, Sheila, Tom and the kids: who lost Kelly.
For Debra and Dana: who lost their mom.
For John and Maura: who lost their precious baby girl.
For Mary, Kevin, Marissa and Keegan: who lost both Mary's and Kevin's moms.
For Jane: who lost her mother Elaine.
For Michelle: who lost her mother Mary Elizabeth.
For Julie: who lost her father.
For Teresa: who lost her father.
For Dave: who lost his mother and his mother-in-law.
For Bob, Laura and Steve: who lost Marion.
For Gary and Laura: who lost Ruth.
For Sam: who lost his father.
For Nancy: who lost her brother John, and her father.
For Jean: who lost her father.
For Sandra: who lost Don, her father, and Scott.
For Bonnie: who lost her brother and her father.
For Caroline: who lost her brother.
For my own beloved grandmothers: Irene and Edith, as well as Grandma Edie's wonderful sisters, my great aunts...
And for all those others that live on in our hearts...

They're all gone now, but may they live on in our lives through our own memories and stories.

The Eve of Thanksgiving

It's tempting to sit and list out all the material things in my life that I'm thankful for, and indeed, I am thankful I have them. But my life would not be that affected if I had less stuff. In fact, it might be less complicated at this stage of the game to actually have less stuff.

I am truly grateful to the people in my life...the ones whom I love, as well as the ones that irritate the crap out of me. The ones I love keep me grounded and pointed in the right direction. The ones who bug me show me when I'm off course, and if I'm paying attention, and remember to ask for help, I can get back on course. I'm not sure I'd walk right up to any of those 'buggers' and tell them of my gratitude; most of them wouldn't really get it. But I can at least acknowledge them privately, here in blogland. It is my true belief that my outer world reflects my inner world, and if I'm seeing something that isn't working or that I don't like, it's just an indication that some subconscious stuff is becoming conscious.

In The Song of Prayer (not to be confused with The Forgotten Song!), Jesus teaches us how to truly pray. If we were to use that prayer consistently, we'd be seeing a whole different view of this world. That prayer is, basically, "thank God."

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow. Thank God.

The Forgotten Song Video

I was playing around with some digital art that I created and wanted to put some words of wisdom from The Course with it. Here's what I came up with...one of my absolute favorite passages from A Course in Miracles. I hope you enjoy it.

Click here.

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Songs in the Key of Forgiveness

I am as confounded by certain people in my life as anyone else...maybe more so because I can tend to be a little obsessive. One in particular has given me more reason to call on the Holy Spirit for help in seeing her as a brother and part of the whole. I know that if I leave even one person out of the whole that I want to include myself in, I've really excluded only myself from that whole.

But of course, my ego wants me to exclude myself from the whole to guarantee its own survival. So, acting in its best interests, it tricks me into seeing this person as repulsive...and as someone with whom I'd rather not share the elevator, let alone the Sonship. It's really been a source of guilt and feelings of hypocrisy on my part, and something I wanted and needed help with from "outside" the system. So as I listened to Ken Wapnick speak last week here in Denver, I imagined myself asking him for his advice in the matter. Then I decided to just ask the Holy Spirit to help me see the situation differently there and then...without the need to go through anyone else. I trusted that eventually I would have a different perspective.

I had heard Ken use the phrase, "Not a single note is missing from Heaven's Song," several times by then, and each time knew there was a key to my question somewhere in it. I was in the shower preparing for work several days later, and the phrase started echoing in my mind again. I had been thinking about how I was dreading going into work and facing this person again.

My grievances against her included bad grooming habits, inappropriate dress, mindless mistakes on her work, terrible communication skills, a very messy desk, discourteous interruptions to conversations I would have with others...oh, and the list goes on and on. And as I recited the grievances, I began to hear another voice inside me quoting Ken from the weekend, "Not a single note is missing from Heaven's Song..." and another question from the Course, "Do you want to be right or happy?"

As I continued to shower, I reluctantly admitted that the person I carry so much resentment towards at work is just as much a part of Heaven's Song as anyone else I love or hate. So I had to ask myself why she, in particular, is in my life, and even more, why she bugged me so much. Clearly, I wanted to be right more than happy. It was at that moment that I was a little stunned to realize that all my grievances and perceptions about her were also my biggest fears about myself and what I am and appear to be to others. I work really hard to not do any of the things my co-worker does, but the fear that I'm in denial about how well I really do things was almost unbearable. Then it occurred to me,"I must secretly see myself as being as messed up as I see my co-worker"...

And then my right mind stepped in again and re-minded me and my wrong mind that I'm actually not messed up and neither is my co-worker. She may represent my greatest fears about myself to me, but the Truth is, if nothing in the world is what we think it is (including the world itself), then maybe I'm mistaken about both of us. I felt a shift in perception as I remembered that this world isn't real...and reminded myself, once again, it's a dream that I made up so I wouldn't have to know in that moment the unity of everyone of us in God. I'm Truly not separate from my co-worker, nor from people I tend to favor in my life. I finished my shower in a whole different state of mind...I almost couldn't wait to get to work to see if I could look at my behated differently.

I drove to work as usual, and realized that everyone that I called out as a "stupid driver" on the road was also a note in Heaven's Song, and for the rest of the morning, that became my mantra: Not one note in Heaven's Song is missing...

Well, I didn't exactly run up and hug my co-worker, but I could at least see her as worthy of inclusion in the cast of characters that help teach me my lessons of forgiveness each day. She still irritates me beyond a reasonable level, but that's really about my choice to continue to be right rather than happy. And as long as I'm making that choice, I have to take responsibility for my lack of peace...and I can live with that, and forgive myself for the choice for now.

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The Executioner's Song of Prayer

I'm a Course Fundamentalist at my core. That doesn't mean I make it my purpose in life to convert everyone to my way of thinking. It simply means that I try not to interpret the Course in ways that make it work better for me, or to more conveniently excuse behaviors, or make it more politically correct. It is my goal to stick to the Course's fundamental principles, and to its original meaning.

There are a lot of "denominations" out there, reinterpreting Jesus' explicit words from the Course to mitigate the way they want to see things. Fine...they can believe what they want, but it's really not A Course in Miracles that they are now practicing. It's not my job to judge or correct them, but it does bring me back to my own center when I see an interpretation that isn't consistent with the Course. I can then take the opportunity for myself to make sure I'm "on Course," or to ask for help in making corrections when I'm not (which is most often the case).

There is an interesting comment on one of my previous postings that came in recently. I appreciate all comments, but I also reserve the right to apply Course thought to them as a learning example for myself. Anyway, this comment is about the Law of Attraction and my musings about the movie, The Secret, from several months ago. The poster, Patricia, wonders if the issue of child abuse, specifically sexual abuse and incest, might not be more related to the karma of past lives than the current application of The Law of Attraction.

First, let me say that it doesn't matter either way, if what we're really talking about is the thought system of A Course in Miracles (and we are). Anything that happens in our world, including child abuse, war, winning the lotto jackpot, falling in love, seeing a beautiful sunset, watching whales in Maui...all the seemingly good, and all the seemingly evil...is still part of the world. And that world does not exist.

I'm a big fan of Ken Wapnick's prolific works on A Course in Miracles. I got to spend yesterday in a workshop with him here in Denver, and it was wonderful to feel his energy in person and not just off the written page. He covered a lot of the basic principles of ACIM, a very important one being, "an idea leaves not its source." If the collective "we" are an idea, or creation, of God, it's impossible that we could leave our Source.

Let's review the Course's logic:

Where Love exists, fear cannot.
Only Love exists.

Now, because our world is all about fear, by the basic logic above, Love cannot be here. And if Love isn't here, our world cannot exist except as an idea created in our collective mind. So where is Love? Based on the Course, Love is the only thing that is real; it is God, which, since there is nothing else, is All That Is. Because we're ideas/creations of God, and because "Ideas leave not their Source," we also are That Which is All. There is a grandiose hope in each one of us that we are separate individuals who can be loved by God, but we aren't separate. We can only be One with God, and we are loved (in fact, that's all we are), but not as individuals.

I think the tendency of most people, even Course students, is to get this backwards. We think that the world is real and Love is just an idea in it. The Truth is, Love is the Reality, and our world is just the 'tiny, mad idea.' There is plenty of material to make this case more fully. All of Ken Wapnick's books and the Course itself spend lots of time reviewing this much more effectively than I will be able to in a short blog post.

So, the profound point that I'm building up to (that was written with great humor intended) is that no matter what our experiences have been here within the world we think is so real, we will believe that those experiences really are real if we continue to follow the Ego as our teacher. If we can follow the Holy Spirit, and allow our experiences "in the world" to become our classroom in order to learn how to forgive them (which means realizing none of it is real), then our experiences in the world can be made to serve us and our blossoming awareness that we have always been at home in God.

There's no denying that, on the level of form, any kind of sexual abuse...or any other horror we perpetuate on each other...is a terrible experience to endure. When we hold onto the experience from the Ego's perspective, we remain a victim by seeing the events as "real" and not as an "idea that left not its source" of separation and fear within the thought system of the Ego. Our job in this journey of awakening to the Reality of God is to give up our attachment to, and identification with, the victim, and be willing to see that we were mistaken about what we thought was real.

As far as retribution for the "sins" we visited upon others in one or more past lives, which some call the Law of Karma, it's all part of the same Ego based system. Part of me believes in past lives, but not in the way I used to. The time/space continuum doesn't really exist--it's just how we differentiate this "now" from the "now" five minutes or five hundred years ago. Let's say for discussion's sake, though, that we do live a series of many, many lives before we reach enlightenment. It isn't all that helpful in my mind to think of myself as having to pay now for something I did five lifetimes ago...especially if all of those lifetimes were lived in a world that doesn't really exist anyway. Of course, it's brilliant on the Ego's part to devise the concept of Karma that we're discussing here. As long as we have something to feel guilty about, and think we deserve punishment for, the Ego is safe. Because along with that guilt comes the assurance of at least one more lifetime to "make things right." One more lifetime that the Ego gets to survive as a separate entity.

I think it's much more helpful to view a past life where I was an executioner in the Inquisition as symbolic of the guilt I still have in my unconscious, and then ask the Holy Spirit to help me forgive myself (again, meaning to remember it wasn't real to begin with--it never happened in God's Reality). Anytime I can bring unconscious guilt or shame to the light, whether from three years ago in this life, or six hundred years ago in another, it can serve me in getting me closer to that awareness of the Ever Presence of God.

The Truth is, I could forgive all of my perceived guilt in a flash of awareness and be done with the cycle of Karma and past and future lives in an instant. There is an old Patsy Cline song I listened to as a kid called, "Stop the World and Let Me Off..." It sounds as simple as pulling the string on a bus, and waiting for it to pull over. It really is as simple as choosing a different thought system, but it's never that easy. If it were, we'd all be at the bus stop that lets us off at God.

There Must Be a Better Way...

I've mentioned before in this blog that a lot of folks whose stories I've heard or read have gotten to a point of such desperation in their lives that they were finally willing to surrender to a higher power. That's the point at which their lives changed for the better. I've been at that point more than once, and each time I've asked for a better way, and was sincerely looking for a better way and not just wanting my own way to work better, miracles have happened. This proclamation is so powerful, in fact, that it is, in my own estimation, the single most powerful phrase we can utter: "there must be a better way..."

This morning, as I got ready for work, I found myself asking for a better way...and meaning it. I was a little surprised to find myself asking, I must say. Things have been going okay, not great--but not horrible. I guess the good news is, I've conditioned myself to ask for help when there is a threat to my peace of mind. This morning, it was a consciously-undetected threat...much like a stealth virus or malware attack on a computer. Luckily, unconsciously, some other part of me thought to ask for the help of the Holy Spirit. I happened to be plugging in the iron to prepare my clothes for the day at the time...and I heard a response inside me, "if you want things to be different, you have to be willing to do things differently."

"Well, that was interesting," I thought..."Hmmm. Ok. I'll try to do lots of things differently and be totally willing to see my world from a different perspective." So, I took a different way to work, got there at a different time than usual, had lunch at a place I haven't gone to, etc. It was fun to mix up my day a little bit, but I may have ultimately missed the point...my thoughts really need to change too. But I may not have realized that had I not decided to get myself out of my mini-rut today.

My thoughts do, indeed, need to change...that is if my outer life is to change. But I have to be willing to be conscious of those thoughts, and to ask for help from the Holy Spirit in helping me be on guard for stealth unwanted thoughts. This one strategy alone will be a much better way for me, in the long run.

Well, I'm off to do something else differently tonight...and signing-off the internet before dinner is a part of the plan.

Shift Happens

Once again, we have some big opportunities for forgiveness in the news. Interesting that we even call it "news," when what would really be new is a world where we didn't have a media exploiting stories of people going berserk and using other humans for target practice.

Yes, of course I'm as disgusted as the next person about the violence at Virginia Tech. And I'm so very sorry for those who lost loved ones. But I made the mistake of letting my clock radio play the news to me while I lingered and dozed a bit longer this morning. As I lay there, gradually transitioning out of my sleeping dream and into my waking dream, the reporter on the radio was self-righteously preaching about how "we" need to start watching more closely for signs of this kind of thing so we can, as a society, prevent this from happening in the future. Maybe. And if more people acted to prevent these tragedies, who would the media exploit then? The truth is, the media, like the Ego, take secret pleasure in human misery. Both can justify their existence by showing us the myriad terrors in the world.

And the other truth is that we really have no idea of how many of these tragedies have been prevented by people who were observant and lent an ear to another who was facing his/her own inner demons. One of my favorite quotes from A Course in Miracles is:

"A miracle is never lost. It may touch many people you have not even met, and produce undreamed of changes in situations of which you are not even aware."

If we agree that a miracle is a change in perception, then every time any of us chooses to see something in the outer world as a reflection of a thought or belief in the inner world, a shift can take place. And in that moment a miracle has occurred. Whether we ever know how it shifted events for ourselves or others isn't important. What is important is looking to the Holy Spirit to help us find ways to shift our inner perceptions. The fact is, miracles work across time and space, so they might actually affect something that we perceive to be in our past, in which case we would have no idea of our own effect on our world. But it might be helpful to remember that our own perceptions of reality can have a positive impact if we invite the Holy Spirit to interpret them for us.

We can think of it as closed captioning for ego-impaired spirits.

My Top 10 Clues That I'm Listening to the Wrong Teacher

One of the core principles in A Course in Miracles is that everything we see is neutral. The meaning I give it is based only upon the teacher with whom I choose to look at the issue. There are only two teachers: the Ego and the Holy Spirit. My only job is to remember to choose the Holy Spirit as my teacher, if I want my perception of the world to change. When I forget, my experiences are not as peaceful, but then that's a clue that I just need to choose again.

1. When I think that God is punishing me, based on some event in my life, I know I've chosen the wrong teacher. I've recently had a serious malfunction of my physical body, and have been confined to my bed for the last nine weeks. I had thought, previous to this event, I was past thinking of God as being involved at any level in this world. Intellectually I know He isn't, but on the subconscious level of belief, I found myself wondering why I was being punished. What had I done wrong? When I remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help me see the situation through His eyes, I know there may be a myriad of reasons for my condition, but none of them involve God. They are all indicators of a thought system within me that isn't yet wholly aligned with God's thought system. I'm glad to know I still have work to do, so that I can do it.

2. When I think there is some deadline to "get everything done before I run out of time…" I know I've chosen with the Ego. The form of the deadline (interesting term, isn't it?) merely reflects the content of my mind. When my mind remembers to ask, the Holy Spirit helps me to see that the pressures of our world are due only to a false belief that time and space exist. They don't. It's within this knowledge that miracles happen, because miracles don't follow our 'laws' of time and space. They are possible because of God's Laws--of Oneness and the Eternal.

3. When I'm tempted to think that I'm not doing something right, I am playing the Ego's game. If I choose the Holy Spirit as my teacher, even after I've done something I perceive as wrong, I can be shown a gentler truth. I can be reminded that, because there is no world in which to do things, there cannot possibly be a wrong way to do them. This includes my study of the Course, itself. If I think I should be doing it differently, I have to question my goal: Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy? If I just want to be right, it's just my Ego that wins. If I want to be happy, and I choose to be willing to see things in a way that brings peace of mind, then I've chosen to listen to the Holy Spirit, and I get to win.

4. If I am seeing the world as limited in its resources, then I am seeing through the eyes of the Ego. When I remember that there is no world (something that I must keep reminding myself), then I remember that whatever resources there are at all, I've created in my mind. If my mind is thinking in a limited way, then my world will reflect limited-ness. If the content of my mind is about being limitless, then the form that I project into the world will show me that limitless-ness.

5. If I think that I must win at the expense of someone else, or that if someone else wins, I must lose, then I've been caught in the Ego's lie. If the proposed answer is win/win, and there are no perceived losers with the solution, then I know it is a solution that the Holy Spirit has sanctioned. If we're all One, then how could any of us lose without all of us losing?

6. Anytime that I seek peace or happiness outside myself, whether with a desired outcome in a situation or in a relationship, I know it's the Ego's way. When I ask the Holy Spirit what will bring me peace and happiness, He directs me to look within myself and remember that I have never left the Presence of God, and that I am not separate from God. By my willingness to look within and find my true divine nature, I can also be willing to acknowledge that nothing else could possibly exist outside of this Oneness. Therefore, whatever I seem to want outside of myself is merely a symbol for the longing I have to remember my own divinity.

7. When I am tempted to compare my progress to another's, and see it as "better" or "worse," I know that I'm listening to the Ego's teachings, which reinforce my belief that I am separate from any other. Once I ask the Holy Spirit to show me His way, I remember that there is no one but me…and that I am where I am. Luckily, each time I ask, the Holy Spirit meets me just where I am. Some days it seems further along than others.

8. When I am tempted to judge another, and take righteous pleasure in another's pain or hardship, I know I'm hanging with the Ego. If I could realize that the Holy Spirit is hanging right there with me also, just waiting for me to ask Him, I'd know that my brother's pain is really only my own. We aren't separate, therefore when I judge another, I judge only the guilt that I perceive I now have, which on one level was for my projected judgment onto my brother, and on the other, for my judgment of my own judgment. The Ego's web is weaved in as tricky a way possible. I'd also know, when I asked the Holy Spirit, that I can't see the big picture from my perspective, so meaningful judgment is not really possible…even of myself.

9. When things look hopeless, just because I can't see a solution, I know I'm listening to the Ego. If I turn my ears towards the Holy Spirit, I can hear that there is another way to see the world…That way is the one that I wish always to be willing to see. When I surrender my way(which is also the Ego's way) and can be willing not to have all my answers for my life, I can open myself to the miracles that are God's answers for my life. If I can get out of the way, and allow the eternal connection with God to fill me, and to "be" my reality, then I can allow Love, and not Fear, to show me the answers.

10. If I'm feeling alone in the world, then I've been following the teachings of the Ego. When I turn to the Holy Spirit, I know that there is no "me" as I think of it...That there is no "other," either. If I'm one with God, but dreaming that I'm separate, then I've begun to believe this nightmare is the truth. The Holy Spirit is my lifeline to the real Truth…The Holy Spirit is the one of us who is lucid in this dream of mine, not me. But as I start to follow His "Course," the dream becomes easier to navigate back to the Truth.





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All That Glitters...is just Easter Eggs

Happy Easter!

I love the symbolism of re-birth in the season of Spring. This winter has been particularly harsh, weather-wise, for much of the U.S., and so I don't think any of us mind seeing the signs of Spring all about.

What I've made particular note of in my own life is my tendency to look forward to certain events with anticipation--and my urgent desire to speed their approach. There have been a few events that, all winter long, I could not wait for the arrival of...in fact, I got a little obsessive about checking to make sure I hadn't missed any announcements about the affairs. There was the invitation-only event that occurs every two years that I could't wait to go to, and which is coming up in a few weeks. There was the class that is only taught twice a year that I just had to take so I'd have those "special" skills. There was the release of a dvd that I didn't see in the theater, so I just had to have the small screen version on the first day it was out. On and on.

What I found interesting is that when it came time to actually register for, or buy, any of these things, I was no longer interested...the joy was in the desire and the wanting, actually. As I thought about it, of course I had to draw a parallel to the ego's "seek and never find" tactics. But what was different this time was that I actually gave myself permission to change my mind before I had hung the rest of my salvation on the object of desire. I didn't have to feel the disappoinment of spending a lot of money on something that couldn't possibly deliver on my expectations, because those expectations had nothing to do with illusion, and everything to do with Reality. The shift that has begun in me to see that what I truly seek in every moment is the Peace of God. And to have that, all I need to do is be aware of its constant presence in my true Reality.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of Easter eggs...I love decorating them...love gazing at the beautiful colors, and the anticipation of hiding them for the kids, and the joy the kids feel when they find the eggs. They look beautiful gathered in a basket after the hunt. But the fact is, once you crack them open, they're just eggs...and one can only eat so much egg salad before the eggs rot, and on some level you realize that all you really were reaching for is what the decorated egg represented, that which you had all along: the symbolic re-birth of that awareness that we are safe and supported by God's eternal Love...and that everything will be alright.


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Good Friday

I'm meeting more and more people who have been studying the Course in Miracles for varying lengths of time. It's really great to share something so close to my heart with new friends. I'm really holding an intention of creating more than a casual acquaintance with others on this journey, and want to create an online community where we can discuss the Course and share new resources in its practical application.

I'm working furiously on a new web site, fueled by my passion for this journey, and will soon have a newsletter also. I would like to make both a resource portal for all things Course-related. It'll have links to my favorite online bookstore (www.12store.com), along with reviews of books and other products. It will be an ever-evolving entity--just as each of us are evolving, on our paths.

I hope you'll join my mailing list. Right now, I have a few gifts and announcements to share with you, and in the near future will announce the debut of the web site and a monthly newsletter. Nothing obnoxious to invade your email box, just helpful encouragement, wisdom and inspiration from A Course in Miracles.

If you're on MySpace, please invite me to be your friend, along with your other "Course-minded" friends. Together, we'll travel this spiritual path! My MySpace url is http://www.myspace.com/seedofawakening .

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We is Me, I am We

Ok, I got almost all The Secret stuff off my chest last time, in a rather wordy post. I'd like to indulge in just one last point about The Secret and its concepts. That is, all of the Law of Attraction information about creating our own realities is about the Ego's world, not God's Reality. In the reality that is God's world, we already have everything we could want...after all, we're one with God. What more could there be?

Whether we, as a society, collectively create or create in a way that seems more individual, if we are One, then all of us are creating all of the time...and only one of us is creating all the time. Those two concepts may seem paradoxical, but it's true: We is Me; I am We.

As I realize the Truth that I am always and eternally safe in God's presence, it occurs to me that whatever I appear to have created in the illusory world was created by the Ego to keep my focus turned away from God. Whether it's a health issue, a money issue, or a relationship issue (and those are the biggies for all of us, sometimes combined for greater effect!) the purpose of any problem, when we distill it down to its essence, is to keep us distracted from God's Reality. The good news is that the Holy Spirit can take whatever problem we have "here" and use it to help us see the unreality of our made-up world. Then we have a chance to remember our true reality in God.

That Holy Spirit is quite the Alchemist...thank God.

The Secret of The Secret's Secrets

It's a wonder we all didn't get whiplash from the backlash towards The Secret! I was discussing it all with a friend today, and between Oprah, Larry King, Saturday Night Live, and all the spin-off debates around the legitimacy of The Secret, it's no wonder the movie is flying off the retail shelves. There's no such thing as bad publicity. All these 'guru's' who want to discredit The Secret would do better to ignore it than to keep it in the consciousness of the audience they're trying to dissuade. Ironically, that's what the message of The Secret is all about: you get more of whatever you think about.

Now I've certainly had my share of comments about The Secret, much earlier in the short history of this blog. Some of the criticisms I will agree with...but only to a certain extent. The Secret is a good starting point for bringing us all to an awareness of our own responsibility for our thoughts. We have to start, as a society or an individual, where we are. So if there's a market for a product that helps us "get" what we want, then it follows there's a collective need there for that information. We've gotten, as a mass consciousness, what we've been thinking about: a way to create what we want in our lives. As Maslow's pyramid of needs shows, survival is the first and foremost need that we must get met. In our culture, survival means more money and more stuff. Therefore, it's logical for us to think on a deep level that, if our need for 'stuff' is met, we'll be able to survive. Then, as Maslow theorizes, we free up our spirits to pursue the next level of need, and the next, until the need becomes a direct connection with God, or something transcendent of our individual selves and as a result, Self Actualization. If we don't get the needs met at the lower level of the pyramid, then the needs at the higher level never occur to us.

Really, we're very fortunate, in our Western illusion of a world, to have created a collective dream that allows any of us to even begin to think about a higher connection because most of our lower level needs have been met. Let's face it, poverty in our culture does not have the same direct experience as poverty in a third world nation, where starvation, disease and genocide are the daily worries, illusory or not. We can debate about the solutions to these worldly problems, but that's not the point here...not to mention that if there is no world, there are no real problems, and therefore the search for solutions takes on a different meaning.

But back to The Secret--the criticisms of the movie are:

• the folks involved in the movie are charging high prices to attend their seminars to learn The Secret's concepts...and are cashing in on the fad--at the expense of the 'suckers' who believe them;
• the concept that someone who is overweight can't lose weight just by thinking about losing weight, that it takes discipline and action and hardwork to lose the weight, not magical thinking;
• the "proof" that The Secret can't be 'true' because if it were, everyone that thought about winning the lottery would win...or both candidates in an election would win, simply by focusing on winning;
• that victims of Katrina, or the Tsunami, or 9/11, or other disasters weren't thinking about the disaster to bring it on, therefore the concept is invalid;
• children who have been abused aren't thinking about being victimized but that doesn't stop the abuse, therefore the concepts of The Secret are cruel;
• victims of genocide in places like Rwanda couldn't possibly be responsible for their own murders, based on their thoughts;
• we've lost God (Whoever that is to the person raising the question) in the practice of The Secret, which is all about material wealth and selfish gain at the expense of someone else;
  

These are valid questions, if you don’t understand the secret…not the movie, but the concept. In fact, when I read some of these very challenges, I got angry with the critics and decided I didn't want to read their words anymore. Even though I had my own issues with The Secret, I still defended its intentions to make a difference in the world (and profit from it, at the expense of no one). The critics hailed The Secret as snake oil, and its participants as charlatans, and I suddenly found myself 'hating' the critics. I didn't want to read their ideas because I was afraid it might cloud my vision, and change my mind about The Secret, and worse--steal my hope. So, I called in my buddy, the Holy Spirit, and asked Him to help me see what I wasn't willing to see in all this.

What I realized was that all the critics were showing me my own doubts. They were a direct reflection of my ego's own attempts to dissuade me from taking responsibility for my thoughts and keep me a 'victim' of the world. As I looked at each of the criticisms and worked through them, I realized that the critics just served as gatekeepers for the access to the knowledge that is deep within me...and everyone else. Whether we choose to access that inner knowledge is up to each of us as individuals.

I looked at each criticism in order to see where it would lead me, with the willingness to remain defenseless about The Secret and offenseless about its critics. Here's where this examination led me:

• Yep, each one of the participants of The Secret has profited from the project. So what? None of us are forced to pay to access the information if we really want it. These Secret participants are also gatekeepers...to knowledge that each of us must be ready to accept. Each of us will always find evidence to support our beliefs. Our inner world reflects our outer world. Money is another one of those energies to which there is no order of magnitude. There's no difference between manifesting $1000 to attend a seminar about manifesting things in our lives, and manifesting $5 to attend...except our belief about its difficulty. Luckily, there is plenty of free access to the same information all over the place. One only needs to pay top dollar if one wants to. There areweb sites that offer to let you watch The Secret for free. You can download free audio and text files of Law of Attraction information everywhere...if you are of the mindset to believe you can have it. Once a person gets stuck thinking that only the rich can have access to the information through expensive seminars, they've enacted the principles of The Secret...their thoughts have created their reality, and they'll have to pay top dollar for the information because their thoughts have blocked the access, simply based on their belief. The truth is, people that are willing to pay $1000 to learn 'more' about the techniques of manifesting are living out a concept of scarcity, which says there's only so much wisdom to go around, and those that get there first get to feed off the carcass of knowledge--and then it's gone forever. These seminars are really just a rehash of the same information. Truth is truth. Pay for it, or don't pay for it.
• The Secret says that if a person wants to change a condition of her life, she merely needs to change her thoughts. In the case of a woman who wants to lose weight, this means changing the thoughts to slender, rather than focusing on weight gain or loss. Yes, action is required, but the body takes direction from the mind, and as wellness becomes the focus, rather than illness, the thoughts lead the body to wellness, and it follows through with action. This is where my previous post about unconscious thoughts and fears becomes relevant. What we keep repressed is being 'thought about' unconsciously, keeping the situation from being healed. Health issues and addictions can be healed by becoming consciously aware of the connection to our Source, which in Truth, we've never lost. It's what 12 Step programs are all about. We also must become consciously aware of the guilt/shame/fear/unforgiveness that we harbor (unconsciously) and be willing to sacrifice all of it for peace of mind. If there are troubles in our lives, and we honestly cannot find their source in our conscious thoughts (highly unlikely), then we can bless the troublesome events for alerting us to our unconscious thoughts.
• The lottery question is interesting. So many of us think our security is tied directly to money. Actually, money and security are two different things. When we associate them, we think we need money in order to be secure. When we realize that we are secure no matter what, and that our security rests in our eternal and unbreakable connection to God, money becomes merely a tool, and we survive just fine. When we think that the winning lotto ticket is all we need to be happy (or, "I'll be happy when 'x' happens"...), it's guaranteed that there will always be some next thing we need to find, in order to find that elusive happiness. Happiness is not about getting what we want, it's about knowing we already have what we need. Happiness must come from inside ourselves, from that eternal connection to God. It won't come from an external source--because in reality, there is nothing external to us, except illusion. The external is being created as a symbol of the internal experience. The Kingdom of Heaven is within...once this concept is 'internalized," the external world has no affect on our well being. So, those who don't win the lottery are focusing on some lack within. Those that do win the lottery, well, who knows?...if I knew for sure, I'd have won it by now. There are thoughts that attract luck as well as lack. And the lottery is not the only path to wealth.
• To take the 2004 election as a case in point, answering Larry King's question of presidential campaigns...this was about mass consciousness of the American people: most of whom were thinking about George W. Bush. People were either voting FOR Bush, or AGAINST Bush, no one was thinking about anyone else. The passions and emotions were about Bush. The Secret, and all Law of Attraction material suggests what we think about is what we create...whether we really want something or really don't want something. So, with everyone thinking something about Bush, we got Bush.
• The same concept applies to what we perceive to be mass disaster. On a collective level, unconscious to most of us, our thoughts led to the creation of these events. There's not a single one of us, most likely, who thought specifically about any of these events...but the constant exposure to the negative news about terrorism, or global environmental changes, or any number of stories that we hear over and over and over...and over...plants seeds of fear. There is no question in my mind that all of us would be better off by not listening to or watching the news. Networks are as much a part of the for-profit corporate culture as any other business...and they are in business to attract viewers. Human nature dictates that negative stories sell much better than positive stories, so that's what the networks sell. Our thoughts are focused on all the fearful stories, and our thoughts create our realities. Therefore, we begin co-creating with our fellow citizens and with the Universe (which is the ego's realm, not God's) and bigger effects are shared by all.
• In the case of the genocide occurring in so many nations all over the world, it's not about what the victims are thinking about and attracting. It's about mass consciousness again. We can't even live peacefully within our own families in many cases, let alone with our neighbors, or the other drivers who share the road with us, or our fellow voters who are registered with the 'other' party. When we "hate" the Democrats, or despise the Republicans, and feel our way is the only way, we create that same murderous energy that gets played out literally 'somewhere else.' It's us versus them, on a local level and on a global level. Of course, we all want "us" to win...and to hell with "them."
• The victimization of children is a tough one to look at...and I would maintain one of the ego's greatest distractions from the message of the Truth. It's complex, and in a short paragraph, I can't explore it in a way that will satisfy the greatest critics. Mass consciousness certainly is reflected by an increase in victimization. But if you will think back on the news du jour, there's always a trend. I think part of the issue, not the whole of it, is that we, as a collective, create the victim as a sacrificial lamb to bring our attention to an issue that's been boiling under the surface for awhile. Maybe the victim has agreed to show all of us, on a soul level, what our thoughts are creating. Once our attention goes here, we start 'seeing' (i.e. creating with our attention) more and more of these victims, taking our attention away from the last group of victims upon whom we focused. Many of us fear a loss of innocence...or injustice (as we define it). We see the death or wounding or illness of a child as a threat to our own innocence--but the reality is, the ego would convince us that we, ourselves, are not innocent. It tells us we abandoned God after all, but rather than face our "guilt," we project that guilt right back onto God, and the ego convinces us that He has it out for us...and what better way to prove it, than for kids to suffer. It's the ego's most brilliant deception. If we can believe that it's possible to die, and that any of us are guiltier, and therefore more deserving of punishment, we can be incensed by God's punishment of the innocent. Our thoughts and fears about this only create the illusion of more of it.
• The Secret can be used to attract anything...more money, less money, more stuff, better jobs, loss of jobs, good or bad relationships, etc. What we focus on, we create...or attract. That goes for God also. The more we use the same exact laws of attraction to focus our attention onto God, the more God we become aware of in our lives. God is no closer or further from us in reality. He’s right where He’s always been, and we’re really right there with Him. Only our awareness of our oneness with God changes. We can choose to focus on money and stuff and on God. The two are not mutually exclusive, but they really aren't related either. There's no rule that says if you have God, you can't have anything else. On the other hand, if you really have the awareness of God's unwaivering presence, all the stuff may not matter so much anymore. Then the longing for stuff no longer holds us hostage to the thoughts of lack, and ironically we attract all the stuff we want. The fact is, when we’re focused on God’s abundant presence in our lives, it shows up in the abundance we find present on the external level of our lives. It’s not a reward we can bargain for…it’s the secret of The Secret.

Sugar is God...

Or so my ego would have me believe. And you know? I think my ego believes sugar really is God. Sometimes it believes Coca Cola is God, and at others, just the caffeine part of Coke. Still other times, my misguided ego thinks that anything outside of myself that would bring me temporary comfort is God. Well, at least it's looking for God. It's just looking in all the wrong places.

Big change is afoot in my life. Part of my outer world is about to look different to me, and my ego is scrambling to come up with a safety net. So far this month, the safety nets it has tried include sugar, Coke (the soda), co-dependency (translating to neediness in my relationships), back pain and heart burn, extreme consumerism, and arrogance. My ego doesn't know that anything that can change isn't real. It's inconceivable to my ego that that same rule applies to it...it's not real, either, and therefore it can't really exist. But it's waging a pretty compelling argument against the Truth in its attempts to convince me otherwise. So compelling that I'm having to be very diligent in avoiding its traps...kind of like avoiding the pot holes in the streets of Denver these days.

I have discovered one of its major tactics in the battle, though. I have found that the more insecure my ego is, the more it strives to convince me of its absolute correctness, and the more righteous I act. But I'm finally onto its ploy. I am now realizing that the more adamant I am about something I "know" to be true, the more likely it is that I have my facts wrong. The stronger I feel I have to fight against something, the more likely that I'm about to fight a paper tiger. It's getting a little embarrassing, actually. But my secret weapon is the Holy Spirit. I have been remembering lately to ask for the Holy Spirit to help me, in lieu of sharpening some metaphorical sword to use in my "battle." When I ask, it turns out that there really is no battle to be waged after all.

Well, maybe all of this puffery applies to my ego's fears about change: the more fearful it is, the less likely it is that there's really any threat at all. So it's possible that the more fear I feel, the closer I actually am to God (the Real God, not the sugar one).

The Comfort is in There Somewhere...

The news is intense these days. It's certainly not hard to find fodder to practice forgiveness. Luckily, for most of us, these events aren't personal, so it's much easier to see them from a different perspective sooner than it would be if our loved ones were affected by the madness.

Listening to the news or reading the paper these days makes it apparent that there is some chaos theory at work in our world...we're not moving towards organization and peace by any stretch of the imagination. And as long as we try to find meaning in a world that will never have any meaning (other than that which we give it, based on the teacher we've chosen), it will be a mighty frightful and depressing world, indeed. It's literally all we can do to ask to see things from a different perspective.

How do we find forgiveness for the madmen who we seem not to have any shortage of these days? The only way is to remember that, on another level, all of us could be considered insane "madmen" for choosing against the Reality of God, and instead choosing this made-up chaos and madness of the ego's world. As we become willing to consider that God's Reality is different than the nightmare we create in front of our lyin' eyes each time we reinforce the mistaken thought of separation, the ego obliges us with abundant "proof" that we are not mistaken...that we really are separate. The ego convinces us that we must fight for our very survival against our Brother, ensuring its own survival for at least another moment, and creating the illusion that there is a madman on the loose outside of ourselves. There isn't.

No matter how many times a madman appears to shoot up our illusory world, we can keep asking the Holy Spirit to look with us, as we peep through the now "holey" veil to the wholly Real World of God.

My Ego, the Flying Ace

One thing that's become clear(er) over the last few weeks is that my ego is fighting for its survival (and it's not fighting fair!). I rarely go to movies, not because of any particular reason, I just don't think of it very often...but Saturday I decided to catch a matinee of Fly Boys. I thought it would be interesting to see a movie with bi-planes on the big screen.

Of course it was about World War I, so it was symbolic of the war games of separation that we play in our everyday lives of "us versus them," and to use the movie as an analogy for my lessons of forgiveness is really not much of a stretch. So as I sit here and think about the "epic" battles I've been fighting with my own ego for the last few weeks, those bi-planes flown by the "good guys" doing battle in the movie with the more technically advanced and war-adapted tri-planes flown by the "bad guys" come to mind.

I can picture my ego as the "guy" in the black falcon tri-plane, smirking at me as he tries to "kill" me so I don't kill him...How does he do this? His weapons of destruction include temptation and guilt and shame--and he uses distraction like an expert marksman! He happens to know my achilles heel better than anyone, and points his poison arrows of guilt right there, as he dangles the carrots of temptation in front of me.

He knows just which "carrot" will create the most desire in any given moment, tricking me into forgetting that I need nothing outside myself, since I am always One with God. My ego knows that if he can distract me and lead me down the path towards my worldly desires, I will likely forget that the Holy Spirit is following right along that same path with me the whole time, just waiting for me to choose that which I really desire: the Peace of God. Often, the ego's trickery is as simple as waiting until I express my desire to diet, then finding something that's not on "my list" of acceptable foods to encourage my cravings. Apples, for example...Apples happen to be on this list of things to avoid for the time being...I haven't eaten an apple in any of the many months preceeding this diet, (and if I'd eaten apples instead of french fries over the years, I wouldn't be needing to diet!) but suddenly (and ironically), apples are now the forbidden fruit. So guess what I want! Yep. At any other time, that would sound just dumb...I would eat the apple, or I wouldn't. But now, as I struggle to remember to see the battle over my diet as just part of the illusion, I'm having trouble not eating the apple...or the coke, or the fries, or anything that a mere week ago had no appeal whatsoever to me. I think I lost more weight not dieting, and just feeling neutral about food. There's probably a message for me in there somewhere, and not so deeply concealed!

The other carrots are equally as tempting, as the ego dangles them for me to covet: constant desire for some non-specific "better" job, all kinds of gossip to bite into, and irritation with co-workers and street people and those who share the road with me. Particularly tempting these days is the idea that I'm a victim of my clients, or anyone else--and that I'm not creating the world around me. Some days it would actually be a relief to let myself be a victim of my world...it would take the onus off of me to change my thoughts. If that's what I really wanted, it would be sooo easy...

But it's not what I really want, and as I slip into the negativity of the ego's world of want and misery, at least it creates enough pain in me for me to verbalize my discomfort! At least I've spent enough time walking willfully with the Holy Spirit now to actually miss what that feels like, even when I can't seem to put my finger on what I'm missing. And at least I have a friend in this world who will point out that all that's wrong with me is that I've been listening to the wrong teacher, and in that very moment, flip my focus back to the right One.

And so, the Black Falcon that is my ego retreats to the hangar to wait for the next opportunity... From now on, it would really be in my best interests to let the Holy Spirit take the cock pit of my bi-plane, and I'll ride along right behind Him.

'splain it to me, Lucy

I'd love to see some spiritual equivalent of Jay Leno out on the street interviewing people about why they think bad things happen in the world. Or, maybe it would be too depressing to see what people have convinced themselves about where God is when things go wrong.

It's not that I want to judge their conclusions, but rather to bring to light all the superstitions we all have about our lives, and all the bargains we make with the Divine to keep ourselves "safe" from some dreaded fate or destiny. Sometimes just listening to these excuses we make for God could start to shed the Light of Truth on just how illogical all of them are. And just maybe we'd begin to realize that God doesn't need excuses.

For example, I was reading an essay by a famous rabbi in a book exploring various authors' views on God. This rabbi, bless his soul for having to live through something as awful as losing a child, let God off the hook by saying, to the effect, that He just wasn't powerful enough to change certain forces in our lives. Well, if God isn't powerful enough, what could possibly be powerful enough? I know this idea is where the rabbi found comfort...but in the long run, how much hope and faith could that possibly inspire?

We all have our paths, of course, and maybe it's more comforting to think of God as less than omnipotent in order not to believe it was God's will that this child died. One might more easily forgive God for being too weak than being strong, but ever-so-cruel as to hold the power of life and death of the child, and allow (or worse, create) that child's death. I can't even imagine the test of faith that losing a child must be. In that way, I'm blessed. Nor can I imagine having to comfort a friend in that situation, or having to watch their pain and experience of such a Dark Night of the Soul, feeling so abandoned by God. I hope I don't have to.

There are plenty of other examples of the myths we tell ourselves about God, and I'll take this as a call to my Self to look at all the ways I tell myself I'm a victim of God. Is it easier for me to believe that God wanted this or that crisis in my life than to take responsibility for choosing to see it differently? Is it easier to decide God must have wanted a whole city to be washed away a year ago, along with the lives of so many people with it, than to begin to examine the level of mind that created it? Or the 9/11 attacks, or the tsunami a few years ago, or any disaster, personal or collective? Well, of course it's easier. That's why we keep doing it.

So what's the alternative? To think that I created this mess and now I'm responsible because of my thoughts? That's hardly a helpful idea. But A Course in Miracles is a path that lets both me and God off the hook in another way: Since I'm part of the One Mind (we all are) that is dreaming of exile, but is perfectly safe in God, I can choose to ask the Holy Spirit to remind me at any time that God isn't even aware of this dream world because it's not the Truth. Just as a dreamer works his psychological conflicts out in his dreams, so we get to see all of the conflicts within our own minds acted out in the dream that we think is so real, and which act as barriers to the Love that is God, our only True Reality. And just as that same dreamer awakens in the morning to realize the dream wasn't real, so we will eventually awaken from our dream, which God already knows isn't real.

As I keep asking for these reminders from the Holy Spirit, I can trust that I won't have to make excuses for myself or for God when I think things should look differently than they do. I can begin to trust that what I think I see isn't the Truth. The only Truth is that I/we are not separate from He Who Has No Counterpart... Which means that God hasn't abandoned any of us--nor have we abandoned Him. That would just be impossible.

Am I safer?

As We, the People, prepare to 'celebrate' the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, the media is asking questions like, "Are we safer?" and "Do we feel safer?" As Dirty Harry would say, "Well, do ya?"

Now is the time when all those fears get dragged up again for us...and it's clear: they've never gone away. And in Course terms, just as there is no order of difficulty in miracles, so there's no order of magnitude of fear. One fear is no bigger or badder than any other...fear is fear. Worrying about anything in this illusory world, even though it seems ever so real from our perspective, is the same as worrying about anything else. There is no difference, in truth, between worrying about whether the stock market will fall in value and whether the plane we are taking tomorrow will fall out of the sky. One may seem preferable to the other in those two scenarios (and the preference may differ among us!), but they both symbolize huge fears that are common to most of us: the fear of survival on the physical level.

It's the ego's job to keep us focused on this fear, so it can distract us from the process of awakening from the dream, and undoing the ego itself. Its goal is survival at all costs, and it aims to play as dirty as it must to accomplish its goal. It seems the closer we get to the possibility of awakening, and the more we do our "forgiveness exercises" as they come up, the more opportunities to do them show up also. Seems like, in my own experience, just as I think I'm willing not to exclude anyone from my own list of those forgiven (and I do mean that in the advanced forgiveness way, not in the old fashioned way), I create the illusion of someone "doing something to me" and I get to have one person who is more challenging to include in that list, and whom I get to choose whether to hold out as separate from "the rest of us" or not. Even though I know that if anyone is excluded, then I, myself, am excluded from the forgiveness list (it's my list, afterall!), it still amazes me how my ego fools me into seeing at least one other person as "unworthy" of my forgiveness at any given moment in time. Since we're all one, that person is me, no matter who it looks like they are.

Anyway, back to fear and feeling safer. As we review all those terrible images from that day five years ago, (and believe me, the images are etched indelibly in our consciousness, whether we actually go to YouTube to see them again or not) it might be helpful to remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help us see these images through His vision from now on, and not through the vision of our own egos. It doesn't serve any higher purpose to revisit those horrific images in our memories of that day without the willingness to see it differently. And that willingness is what opens the door for the Holy Spirit to truly transform the fear into forgiveness of a world that doesn't exist.

Once we can make a habit of looking at any fear, from the most minor to the "big" ones in our lives, with the Holy Spirit by our side, we can begin the process of awakening to the Truth that we have always been perfectly safe in God's presence...as the Course states, "[We] are at home in God, dreaming of exile but perfectly capable of awakening to reality." (T-10.1.2)

A Mental Sticky Note

Whatever someone does, including ourselves, is either an Expression of Love, or a Call for Love.

It's not too hard to feel good about the Expressions of Love...the challenge is seeing through all the drama to identify a Call for Love, especially in the midst of it. If I can reflect upon someone's troubling behavior, no matter how vile, childish, petulant, violent, angry, entitled, unprofessional and dysfunctional I think it was, and remember that it was merely a Call for Love, then I'm that much ahead of the game the ego plays. That is the game of projection: no matter how much unconscious guilt any of us has corked up inside of us, as long as it's denied by us, it will find its way into the world and onto our favorite enemy, who acts only as a mirror for that projection.

Of course, that means that however I see my "enemy," and whatever judgements I have against his behavior, is how I'm really seeing myself because it's my own unconscious guilt being reflected back at me. As I become aware of my own inner, hidden guilt, i.e. by bringing it to consciousness bit by bit, it becomes a lot easier not to judge, but merely observe someone else's upsets. It becomes clearer that what I am seeing is just his own unconscious guilt being projected onto me. And that's just a Call for Love. I get to choose how to respond at that point: with the Holy Spirit and with quantum-style forgiveness, or with the ego, and to stay in the fracas. Of course, once that decision is made on the level of the Mind, whatever I do in the world of form to react doesn't really matter that much.

Ah, it's all just a big house of mirrors, really...am I seeing my reflection in you? or are you seeing your reflection in me? or are our reflections bouncing off all the other mirrors, leaving both of us with no point of reference at all? The answer is yes.

More thoughts on The Secret...

Yep, that movie's got me thinkin'...and watching my thoughts. And as I observe those thoughts, it has sunk in that, while it's important to focus on what we do want, rather than what we don't, there's a whole other realm of thought that is influencing our lives, for better or worse. It's the unconscious thoughts we have to become aware of, because they're the ones that truly rule what our world looks like to us.

It struck me last night (like a ton of emotional bricks) that what I've been denying--that unspeakable "truth" (pronounced, "abject terror") that I've kept bottled up--not wanting to even think about...has been wreaking havoc on my life. And until I spoke "the unspeakable" to my friend, I didn't even realize how much power and control I had unconsciously given it. My ego had "retaliated" for the spiritual work I've been doing, and suddenly I had a severe ear infection which brought on an asthma attack, and there wasn't a part of my body that didn't ache, including my lower back (which is a signal to me that my ego is feeling its very survival threatened--but not a bad thing in the big picture!)

I'm quite sure that the quantum-style forgiveness that I've been practicing diligently via A Course in Miracles brought the huge fear close enough to the surface for me to be able to speak it...and I'm quite sure there's more where that came from. But the good news is, my well of unconscious fear and guilt and shame is neither real, nor is it bottomless in its apparent reality on this level. As I keep asking the Holy Spirit to show me a different way of seeing what my ego wants to keep me stuck in, more of it clears away. Not always quietly or obviously, but always as consistently as my requests to the Holy Spirit are. Sometimes those requests are as simple as "help me with this terror."

No, A Course in Miracles is definitely not a path for the faint of heart...

Oh, I remember now...

Nobody better.
Nobody worse.
Nobody else.
No...body.

Memo to Self

To Do List:
1. Remember that it's the ego's job to show me the scariest "reality" conceivable, based on the unconscious guilt I've stowed away, but am now becoming conscious of...

2. Remember, also, that the more I choose the Holy Spirit's thought system, the more my ego fights to distract me from it...And, that it's never a losing battle when I keep choosing the Holy Spirit's side, no matter what it looks like to me.

3. Remember that, if something is showing up in my life, whether I perceive it to be "good" or "bad," I chose it...so I must want it on some level. When I figure out how it's serving me, then I can choose again (hopefully without judgement of myself) whether I still want it in my life or not...and the Holy Spirit can help me here, too.

4. Remember that, no matter what it looks like to me, my perspective is like looking out of the porthole of a ship's berth. I have to trust that, of the two of us, the Holy Spirit is only one of us with the "big picture" to see the Real perfection in everything.

5. Keep remembering that what might look like setbacks to me, may actually be advances; and what look like advances to me, may be the real setbacks.

6. Remember when I'm feeling the most alone in this world, that it's just the ego's cruellest and most masterful illusion...and that in Reality, in each and every moment, it's not possible for me to be any closer to God, for I'm not separate from That Which He Is.

7. Remember those Miracle Principles, especially that first one: There is no order of difficulty in Miracles.

8. Remember also, the converse: There is no order of magnitude in illusion. Illusion is illusion. Fear is fear. Truth is Truth. And Love is Love.

9. Remember to keep forgiving it all, whenever I remember to do so--whether in the moment, or later.

10. And remember to keep asking the Holy Spirit to show me another way to look at everything I see.

Your Immortal Reality

I just finished Gary Renard's new book, Your Immortal Reality. I had waited with much anticipation for it to come out earlier this month, and then for it to make it into the inventory of my favorite bookstore. It was worth the wait, for sure. I'll have more to say, but wanted to give my "thumbs up" in case anyone is waiting for the reviews before they buy it...

The discussion continues on the practical application of real forgiveness, as introduced in The Disappearance of the Universe. It brings home many examples, and whereas "Disappearance" seemed to open up the Course on a new level for readers, Your Immortal Reality seems programmed to show your own subconscious how to actually experience the use of the principles of forgiveness, in partnership with the Holy Spirit, and how this affects our perception of the world. It's powerful stuff.

There are some great discussions about time/space and the illusion of the body, accompanied by Gary's relating of the demonstrations that Arten and Pursah gave him. There's also very interesting discussion of who Arten is in this life...but I can't tell you!

I'll be posting an audio interview with Gary Renard and myself, linked to this blog very soon, discussing some of these very things. Stay tuned...


PS...I wonder if one of our favorite Christian Evangelists will now publish his own directive tome, "Your Immoral Reality," promoting more shame and guilt? Hmmm...

The Magic Words

There is a movie circulating right now called, "The Secret." It was launched this spring, and has become instantly popular. So, what is this secret? It's that our thoughts create our reality, and we need to choose them wisely: because whatever we focus on, whether it's what we really want, or what we really don't want, is what our subconscious minds will create in our world. It's good advice for all of us, although many of us have never really considered this concept. This secret does, however, keep us focused on creating what we want in this world of illusion (not a bad thing), therefore it's just not going to break the cycle of thought that keeps us in this "reality" and unaware that we've really never left the loving company of God, with which/whom we're One.

For most of us, our imagination is captured when we think we might have "the secret" to getting our every wish and all the treasures that we've always wanted...that is, everything that is outside of ourselves in the material world. It's fun to fantasize, for sure (and believe me, I buy a lottery ticket every week so I can fantasize), but the point is that we when we "get" all that stuff, it just makes us want more stuff, often even before the newness of the old stuff has worn off. The ego is never satisfied--but its job is not to be satisfied...ever.

At some point, many of us find that "the stuff" just isn't doing it for us anymore, and that there is still deep longing, or suffering, or conflict that won't go away when we try to fill ourselves with more of the world "out there." I've read numerous accounts of those who were in utter despair in their lives...going through immense personal suffering of one nature or another, and stumbled upon another "secret." This secret is the one that I call, "the magic words," and which are invoked when the world is crashing in all around us, and we realize we haven't got a clue as to what to do next. That's when true surrender can take place, and the magic words, "there must be a better way..." are uttered in earnest.

Many of those who have found their spiritual path in A Course in Miracles have this in common: they've declared some version of that magic phrase that conjures something so much more significant than a genie in a bottle offering to grant them unlimited wishes. It's a powerful alternative to struggle and worry, and all of us have access to that awakening of a power greater than any material wealth. We just have to be open to the fact that there really is a better way...

That's not to say that we can't also want all the toys and treasures of the world...

God@god.com

I keep trying to remember that I don't need a special email address/hotline or a highspeed internet connection in order to access the wisdom that is mine for the asking. I just need to quiet my mind and listen...


I think I'll throw my Blackberry away.

It doesn't matter...

Nothing outside myself will make me happy...

• not more money...or less
• not my relationships with anyone in the world
• not my house, whether dirty or clean
• not my pets
• not my body...not my name...not my weight
• not eating any particular thing at any particular place
• not quitting or perpetuating my addictions
• not hating someone...not liking them
• not moving...not staying put
• not answering my phone...or ignoring it
• not my locale
• not a vacation...or my vocation
• not my job, or my benefits or my salary
• not my bosses or my co-workers
• not my writing, or my lack of it
• not my skin, not my looks, not my clothes, not my hair, and not my makeup
• not my books, my rocks, my music, my photos
• not ACIM
• not astrology, the enneagram, or any other worldly magic
• not my car
• not the weather...neither how hot it is, or how cold, how sunny or how cloudy
• not my bed, or my computer or my fridge
• not conversation, connection, discussion
• not games, sports, laziness
• not my personal dumpster or a clean litter box
• not more magazines...or fewer
• not more praise and appreciation...and certainly not less
• not peace in the Mid East, or whether Castro lived, or what Israel and Lebanon are, or aren't, doing to each other...
• not anything...except the realization that I have never left God's presence and that He is with me always, in every second of every day (or, rather, I am with Him). His Love is all that I am. The memory of this in each moment that is Now would make me aware of the eternal happiness that is already mine. It is the only thing that is real.

The birth of a blog...

Pass out the cigars, the blog is born! Not that it was a hard labor--rather a labor of love, really. There will be more comments to come, and in the meantime, please read my article on A Course in Miracles posted at www.12house.com